My issue with LoA

My introduction to the LoA was through Esther/Abraham Hicks. A friend gave me some CDs of their conference talks and I bought "Ask and It Is Given". I thought it was some seriously awesome stuff. Then when I saw "The Secret" I was even more stoked to start applying the techniques/principles of the LoA to my life and manifest my desires. It even did work a number of times I applied it!

I'm a good person, I treat people kindly and with respect, I have gratitude for the many blessings in my life, I live as honestly and respectable as possible, and yet there's this catch that always comes back to get in the way of me and the manifestation of my desires.

I have severe clinical depression- I'm Bipolar Type 2 to be exact. What the doctors tell me this means is that the neurotransmitters in my brain do not work according to how they really should. The way that allows "normal" people to bounce back from the normal ups and downs of daily life.

With that being said comes my issue with the LoA: I would LOVE to be depression free. I would LOVE to be able to freely express my joy in life on a daily basis. I would LOVE to be able to manifest all the things of that which I desire BUT... sometimes with the depression, it is nearly unfathomable to be able to feel the positive emotions needed to be expressed in order to manifest that which I desire (mostly which at the time is to be depression free). The Law of Attraction says it manifests anything the mind thinks of and feels. So... if I'm feeling depressed (because chemicals in my brain aren't functioning correctly) the Universe just manifests an ongoing vicious cycle of depression...? Doesn't that seem a little messed up?

I personally LOVE when I feel great. Who doesn't? When my mood is up, I'm feeling stable, I'm expressing gratitude and living fully and everything is great- even when bad things happen and I'm still able to see the silver lining and learn lessons from my mistakes or life's curve balls in general... But then, things just plummet for no reason. Everything in my life is perfect, I have all my needs and most of my wants taken care of, I'm on a path that I have realized is the best path for me, and yet.. All I want to do is sleep. I have to force myself to eat. Continuous sensations in my gut like I've just been given terrible news, yet when no terrible news has been given to me at all. Feeling completely alone in rooms filled with friends and family. Isolating because it can be too difficult to deal with other people. Unable to motivate myself to do the activities I usually love to do. The list goes on...

I should also say I'm a spiritual person- I meditate (usually) on a daily basis, and I am clean and sober nearly 7 years. I still attend meetings somewhat regularly and have built spiritual principles into my daily living.
I have even realized certain benefits of my severe depression. Like I wouldn't have gotten sober so young if the depression hadn't been SO horrible while I was drinking/using. And the depression has given me a deeper sense of empathy for people struggling with similar issues.

But when it gets down to it... why? If the Universe wants me to be happy and to have all my desires fulfilled instantaneously, why would such conditions of mental illness be existing? Why would the LoA seemingly "punish" people struggling with these illnesses like myself? If I could just think myself out of my depression, I would have never even had depression to begin with. I don't enjoy it and would love to be free of it. And yet, it's still here.

Esther/Abraham Hicks would say it's all about me not being in alignment with my true purpose or true desires. "Get in the vortex" they'd say. In my circumstances, I truly believe I am on the right path of my true purpose and I know what my desires are. One of my desires since forever is to be depression free (notice that I'm saying "depression free" and not "Not depressed"). It's not a matter of "willing" myself out of depression. I can't just "think" myself happy. I can express all the gratitude I can muster up when I'm depressed but it won't (usually doesn't) change the fact that the depression is there.

This has lead to certain doubts of things such as the LoA. Because certainly laws of the universe wouldn't ONLY apply to/benefit those people who have normal functioning brains, would they?..

Would LOVE to hear what you guys think. With Love and Light, Peace :)